feet. :/

So today, I did something I've never done something my entire life.  I quit an activity without seeing it through to the end.  I quit crew.  It was not  because I could not handle the workout, or I did not have the endurance or I did not like waking up at 4:50 in the morning.  It was because of my feet.  I have a condition called flat feet, or for those of you who do not know what that is, I do not have arches in my feet, so they pronate inward, causing pain like no other. I lived seventeen and a half years (of my 18) with pain. every. single. day.  I have a HUGE tolerance for pain, thanks to that. I have had two surgeries on my feet because of this condition and has only been in the last six months that I have not had pain. Which is a big deal.  

When I started crew, I did not think that I would have this issue since I'd be sitting in a boat, but it ended up being one.  The combination of the position of my feet, with the pressure I had to put on them while I rowed brought back the pain that I had thought I had ditched.  I tried to stick it out, but I realized that its not worth having the pain again.  I liked not having pain, not having the constant reminder of my defect, and when it came back I was super upset.  I called my mom this morning crying because I did  not want to quit, but I did not want to have the pain anymore.  We decided that in the long run, quitting would be better for me.

I actually liked being on a team for once, having a coach, having teammates, entering regattas, winning or losing at something.  I've never really had that experience, because of my feet.  I had to stop soccer because running hurt my feet and my knees, I had to quit dance because my feet hurt and the teacher did not understand.  My feet have dictated to me my athletic life, and sometimes I wish I had feet that were normal.  I want to be on a team, I want to be in shape, I want to be athletic. But my "disability" has prevented me from doing that stuff my entire life.  

People around me do not understand what I go through on a daily basis, my family understands to some extent, but they will never comprehend what I go through.  Other people I meet who have flat feet do not understand because their condition is not as severe as mine.  Even my podiatrist said that I had the worse case he had ever seen.  Though I wish I was born without this defect, I would not have my life any other way.  I know my feet have made me discover things about myself, and things that you do not think about that often.  I value every step I take, because these feet have taught me some valuable lessons.

I am really sad that I had to quit another sport due to this.  I liked crew, and I feel like I could have been good at it.  But I got a taste of a pain free life, and I want to indulge myself on it,  I know someday I'll find a sport or an athletic activity that I will be able to do.  I hope my teammates go on to have a wonderful season, and I'll be rooting for them all the way.

XOXO,

Kate